- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
- Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."