- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.