- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
- Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.