- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris can download emails with his pick-up.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
- Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
- Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.
- Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
- The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
- Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.