- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
- They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
- Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.