- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
- Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.