- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
- Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
- Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.