- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
- Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
- Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.