- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet
- Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.