- MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
- Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.