- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
- # Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.