- There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.