- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
- Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.
- Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.