- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
- Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.