- Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris' unit tests don't run. They die.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
- They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
- The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.