- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
- There is in fact an 'I' in Norris, but there is no 'team'. Not even close.
- Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- Chuck Norris can download emails with his pick-up.
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.