- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.