- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
- Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.