- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
- Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.