- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
- Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.