- A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
- Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
- # Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
- Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.