- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.