- Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
- Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- The Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.