- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
- For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
- There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet