- Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.