- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
- Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied "That's no glitch."
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.