- The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
- Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
- The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
- As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
- The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.