- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
- Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.