- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
- Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.
- There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
- When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
- Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.