- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris can access private methods.
- Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
- As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit "COMMIT" in its end.
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.
- Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.