- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."