- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
- Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.