- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.