- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
- To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.