- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
- A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
- Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.