- Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.