- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
- "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
- Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.