- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
- MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
- Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit "COMMIT" in its end.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.