- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
- Chuck Norris can download emails with his pick-up.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
- Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.