- Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
- The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
- Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.