- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
- One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
- It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.