- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
- Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
- A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.