- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
- Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
- Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.