- Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.