- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
- It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.