- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
- Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.