- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.