- Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.