- Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
- Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".