- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.