- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.