- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.