- "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
- Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.