- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.