- The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
- Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
- The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.