- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
- Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
- Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
- All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.