- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
- Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.