- Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.