- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.