- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
- Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
- Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.