- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.
- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- Chuck Norris can download emails with his pick-up.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.