- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
- Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.