- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
- It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.