- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.