- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.