- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
- Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!