- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- # Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.