- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.