- Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
- Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Each hair in Chuck Norris's beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
- MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
- Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.
- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
- As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.