- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.