- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
- Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.