- Each hair in Chuck Norris's beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
- They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
- Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.