- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
- Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.