- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
- One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.