- Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
- Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.