- Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
- When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
- Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.